Before beginning COMM 458, I had
never taken a course that was dedicated mostly to race and ethnicity. Other classes that introduced race in the
media often analyzed the statistics behind the unequal representation of
minorities, but they never really got me thinking about my own identity. After
the first two weeks of class, I have realized that I’m actually very confused
about my own race and ethnicity. This weekend, I went home to my parents (I
live fairly close) and I told them about this class and how it made me question
my racial identity.
My entire life, I have been conditioned to say that I’m “Indian” because that’s the easiest way to describe it, but I know that my identity is much more complex. After talking to my parents, I noticed many similarities of their experiences to those in the Vinay Harpalani article that we read. Both of my parents were born outside of the United States, my dad in Pakistan and my mom in Guyana. My dad has identified as Pakistani his entire life while my mom says that she is Indian. When people ask about our family as a whole, my parents will say that we are Indian to make it simple. While my mom’s dad is fully Indian, her mom is Portuguese and White. On my dad’s side, his entire family was born in Pakistan, and he explained to me that our ancestors were Punjabi, which is why they just say Indian when Americans ask about ethnicity. The problem is, when people ask me what I am and I tell them Indian, they automatically assume my parents were born in India, I follow Hinduism, do not eat meat, and speak another language. In actuality, my parents were born in different countries, are strictly Christian, eat meat, and speak mostly English. My brother and I were born in New York, thus my family lives a very so-called “American” lifestyle where we cook a variety of different foods, listen to American music, and even though my dad sometimes speaks Urdu with my grandma, he never taught us the language. In many ways I feel disconnected with the South Asian culture that I’m supposed to be affiliated with, but with the way I was raised, I cannot help it.
My entire life, I have been conditioned to say that I’m “Indian” because that’s the easiest way to describe it, but I know that my identity is much more complex. After talking to my parents, I noticed many similarities of their experiences to those in the Vinay Harpalani article that we read. Both of my parents were born outside of the United States, my dad in Pakistan and my mom in Guyana. My dad has identified as Pakistani his entire life while my mom says that she is Indian. When people ask about our family as a whole, my parents will say that we are Indian to make it simple. While my mom’s dad is fully Indian, her mom is Portuguese and White. On my dad’s side, his entire family was born in Pakistan, and he explained to me that our ancestors were Punjabi, which is why they just say Indian when Americans ask about ethnicity. The problem is, when people ask me what I am and I tell them Indian, they automatically assume my parents were born in India, I follow Hinduism, do not eat meat, and speak another language. In actuality, my parents were born in different countries, are strictly Christian, eat meat, and speak mostly English. My brother and I were born in New York, thus my family lives a very so-called “American” lifestyle where we cook a variety of different foods, listen to American music, and even though my dad sometimes speaks Urdu with my grandma, he never taught us the language. In many ways I feel disconnected with the South Asian culture that I’m supposed to be affiliated with, but with the way I was raised, I cannot help it.
I have found that both American
students and international South Asian students expect much more from looking
at me, but I can never measure up to their expectations. My mom told me a story
about how she was at work the other day and a White co-worker asked about her
ethnicity. Ever since she told him she is Indian, he has been teasing her with
an Indian accent, mocking the Indian culture. She corrects him by saying that
she was not actually born in India, does not speak Hindu, and therefore would
have never adapted the accent, but he continues his disrespectful behavior
because it’s “funny.” In my personal experience, I’ve had many situations where
I felt that I had to explain my background so that people would not stereotype
me. I was eating lunch with two of my Asian-American friends and they
introduced me to one of their other friends named George. After formally
introducing ourselves, the first thing George asks me is, “so are you friends
with all the Indians?” Knowing my complicated background, my friends were quick
to jump at him and say, “hey she’s not even Indian, and she’s mixed with
Pakistani, what are you trying to say?” At that point, I felt very lost because
considering how mixed I am, people are still subjecting me to a single group.
As a result, when people ask me what I am, I tell them American with a
Pakistani, Indian, Portuguese, and White background. An Indian person might
say, “oh so you’re basically Indian” while an American usually just finds me
interesting… At the end of the day, I just hope that we can find a way to
distinguish one’s race and ethnicity without categorizing and stereotyping. I
am left confused about what box I should check, but for now it remains “Other.”
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